70 Times 7

I've been thinking a lot about forgiveness recently. Both forgiveness for my own mistakes, and forgiving others. In my natural state, I am a grudge holder. My natural inclination is to mentally list off all of the negative traits of a person who has wronged me until I have convinced myself that they are the most horrible person in existence and I am utterly superior. This is wrong. I know this is wrong. Yet, it's a hard habit to break.

The turning point for me was about a year ago, when I was singing a hymn at church. The hymn is called "Reverently and Meekly Now." I had heard and sung this song many many times in church before, but for some reason this one line really stuck out to me like it never had before: "Oh, forgive as thou wouldst be e'en forgiven now by me."

In that moment, I thought about all the mistakes I've made in the past. I thought about how I have asked God to forgive me. I also thought about how I hoped other people would be patient with me as I worked through my many imperfections. I wanted forgiveness from God. I wanted patience from my peers. Yet, I was unwilling to extend these same courtesies to others. God had allowed me a glimpse at my own pride. He let me know that He was willing to forgive me, but that I needed to extend the same mercy towards others.

I wish I could say that my change of heart was immediate, but it wasn't. I still struggle with old grudges, and new ones, too. But it was the start of a long process. That process is still not complete, and I don't think it ever will be in this life.

One thing I have come to know for certain is that, in an argument, it doesn't matter who is "right." First of all, I truly believe that in most arguments (with very few exceptions), both parties are at fault. And even if I am "right," it doesn't matter. I am only responsible for my actions and my feelings. If I have a negative feeling towards someone, it's my fault, and I can let go of those negative feelings with the help of Jesus Christ. I have tried to be more forgiving in all of my relationships: family, friends, fellow church members, etc. This doesn't always mend relationships, but it mends me and my soul, and for that I am grateful.