Motivation

Sometimes it can be hard to motivate myself to get things done. I know that I always feel way better at the end of the day when I've accomplished a lot. I feel better mentally and physically. But sometimes, in the moment, I just don't care. I know that part of this is depression. I've battled with some really hard bouts of depression in the past, and while I wouldn't say that I'm depressed right now, there seems to always be this constant undercurrent of apathy in my mind and heart, and I think that has just become normal for me. It's hard to battle that apathy, but I can do it. I can force myself to get stuff done. The only problem, is that I can't force myself to do creative work, which is what used to bring me such joy. Apathy destroys my creativity, and if I'm not feeling creative, I can't create anything. I wish I could move past this. I want to write. I want to create something artistic and beautiful. First I have to get past this feeling of "meh" to get excited about an idea. That's where my major weakness lies.